Finding My "Why"

Why would I move 15 hours away from a small town of 12,000 that I call home to serve in Jacksonville, without knowing a single person? I was asking myself this question all summer. Of course, I was excited to begin a new chapter in my life.  At the same time, I was admittedly nervous to leave the “familiarity” of home. After attending a small liberal arts college just an hour and a half away from home, it was difficult to leave behind four years of incredible experiences and friends at Allegheny College. Of course, there are many reasons why I chose to serve: my passion for working with youth, my interest in rural health disparities, and my desire to engage with and make a difference in my community. Yet, I needed a confirmation that I had made the right decision. 

Within my first few weeks in Jacksonville, I unrealistically expected to figure it all out. Of course, I didn’t immediately know the answers.  Not only did I literally rely on my GPS to get everywhere, but I felt so overwhelmed because everything was so new all at once. Slowly but surely, I knew that I had to start breaking outside of my comfort zone by settling into a new apartment, making new friends, and getting to know my community.  Every day, I challenged myself to do something that I was a little bit afraid of: navigating morning rush hour traffic, meeting someone new, or going to Saturday yoga class at the Riverside Arts market.  One Saturday at yoga, I remember that the instructor talked a lot about finding gratitude in each day.

One day, she passed out a card that read: “Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every moment with love, grace, and gratitude.”- Denis Waitley  

This quote really stuck with me, and I thought about what that meant to me during my first week at my host site. While I knew that a year of national service with the North Florida Health Corps would be tremendously rewarding, I needed to find a definitive “why.”

My service as a health educator at the Florida Department of Health in Baker County began a little differently than I had originally forecasted. I expected to spend my first week planning most of my lessons, and officially begin teaching only when I felt 100% calm, collected, and prepared. I definitely didn’t expect to start teaching a new class called “Too Good for Drugs” to four classes of 6th graders during my first official day of service. At first, I admit I was pretty scared as I hardly knew anyone at the health department, let alone how to get my printer to work.

As I walked into my first classroom at Baker County Middle School that first day, those reservations quickly dissipated. I immediately found the students’ energy to be contagious.  That day, I remember one student told me and the rest of his classmates about how tobacco use has impacted a loved one. I knew that it must have taken so much courage for him to share.

Just as I took a huge leap of faith on my first day, my students did as well. I remember leaving that day feeling immensely grateful.  Without realizing it, I had also “found my why.” I serve because I am very grateful for all of the many ways that my students impact my life each day. As I continue to embark on many new challenges in my term of service, I will continue to find much gratitude in each day.

This blog post was written by NHC Florida member Cailyn Lingwall.

Cailyn serves at FDOH-Baker County as a Health Educator.